


I want you to stay

by hudgens77



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cancer, M/M, Pining, implied kagehina, implied oikage, implied one-sided daisuga, mentions of asanoya - Freeform, oisuga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 08:38:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5736925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hudgens77/pseuds/hudgens77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how a dog, Iwa-chan and mostly Sugawara Koushi's sudden friendship sweetened the last months of Tooru's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want you to stay

**Author's Note:**

> I love this pairing even if it's a crack one. I hope you like it, even if it's kinda (very) angsty.  
> Both the title and the quotes that appear at the beginning and the end of the fic are from a 30STM song "Stay", which is actually a cover from a Rihanna song but I prefer the 30STM version.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoy! Please tell me what you thought of this! :D

_"Funny you're the broken one,_

_But I'm the only one who needed saving..."_

* * *

"Tooru!" his mother exclaims from the entrance. The blond at the threshold gives a start. "Someone found Tobio-chan!"

"I already told you, I don't wanna see that dog ever again!" Tooru answers in the same tone of voice; "Tell that someone to keep him!"

The woman frowns, clearly displeased. She apologizes to Koushi and the latter gives her an awkward, little smile. Next to him, the dog pants and moves his tail in sweet ignorance. Koushi kneels to pet him while Tooru's mother excuses herself and goes upstairs to argue with her son. Koushi pretends like he hears nothing while he pampers the gorgeous Labrador retriever he found the night before near his house. Then he noticed the announcements hanging in the posts, offering a reward for the chocolate-brown dog.

Oikawa Tooru appears then, and Koushi stands up to greet him. His eyebrows lift in surprise —it's been a while since he hasn't seen Tooru and wow, he's really changed a lot: he's thinner, paler and his hair is shorter. The frown of his brows and lips spoil his used-to-be-pretty face, besides the bags under his eyes that have earned a place there.

Koushi beams shyly.

"Oikawa-san, long time no see." The dog barks and Koushi giggles: of course, who else would own a Lab named 'Tobio-chan'? It's so obvious and he feels a bit stupid for not thinking that before.

On the other side, Tooru doesn't look happy to see any of them both. "You?!" he asks with surprise and indignation before he snatches the leash from Koushi's hand. "No, forget it. Gimme Tobio-chan back. I don't want any of you, Karasuno rats to keep my lovely Tobio-chan."

Koushi feels the urge to frown, but instead he only pouts and puts his default expression in place: a polite smile.

"That's the point. I came here to give you your dog back, Oikawa-san."

"Yeah, well, thank you. Now lea—"

"Such a nice boy!" Tooru's mother appears again, flatters Koushi whilst petting the dog's head. "You should have dinner with us, as a little reward! Of course, we'll pay you the actual reward, but you can take this as an advance—"

Koushi coughs, blushes and tries to reject the invitation as kindly as possible while Tooru complains unabashedly. But Mrs. Oikawa is as stubborn as her child when she's resolved, and just like that Koushi ends up feeling compromised to accept the invitation as mother and son argue about how "the psychologist said it'd be good if —Tooru— spends more time with friends," and how, from Tooru's perspective, "already has enough friends and don't really care about whatever that shrink said."

It's Koushi's voice, clear and loud the one that finishes the argument. Mrs. Oikawa grins pleasantly and Tooru grimaces with reproval.

* * *

It's hard to be nice when hostility is openly floating in the air. Even though Mrs. Oikawa wears an enviable smile, Koushi can see the hints of passive aggressiveness when she addresses his son. On his side, Tooru doesn't have as much tact to mask his bad mood and he spends the whole time glowering and quarreling with his mother about every little thing.

It's almost like Mr. Oikawa and Koushi aren't there.

"The food is delicious, Mrs. Oikawa," Koushi beams in an attempt to lighten the mood. The woman smiles back as Koushi feels Tooru's poisonous glare on him, but he ignores it.

"Thanks, sweetie. Tooru, you've barely touched your dinner. Are you feeling ill?"

Tooru winces.

"Yes. Excuse me for leaving, but I'm not hungry," he says, but Koushi can see it's only an excuse to go away. The woman looks at him with anguish and Koushi feels like he's missed something quintessential when she follows him to the stairs talking something about medicines and doctors. She's silenced abruptly by a door slamming shut and both Mr. Oikawa and Koushi give a start. The former looks at the young man apologetically and opens his mouth to speak, but right then Mrs. Oikawa comes back to the dining table with bloodshot eyes and his husband stands up from the table, pulls her into a hug and they go out to talk in the backyard.

Koushi's jaw drops.

Should he stay? Should he leave?

What was all that drama?

He swallows one last bite of his food and picks up his plate. He hears voices outside, muffled by the door and the walls. It doesn't seem like Oikawa's parents will be coming back anytime soon.

Koushi sighs. He picks up everyone's plate, takes them to the kitchen. He chooses to play polite and is about to wash them when he hears steps and turns around to meet with Tooru. His countenance is still severe, but somehow he looks calmer.

"Sorry."

Tobio-chan appears and barks. Tooru jumps in surprise and curses in a low voice, something that Koushi can't help but smirking at.

"Don't worry. This kind of family drama," Koushi pauses as he kneels to stroke Tobio-chan; "is far more common than you'd think."

"Has it ever happened to you?" Tooru inquires, raising an eyebrow. Koushi looks at him from the floor.

"No," he admits. His parents are kind, lovable; and if they ever had problems they've known how to deal with them real smoothly, because Koushi has never heard them fight.

Tooru snorts as Koushi keeps petting Tobio-chan. The fact that the Sugawara family is an exception doesn't mean what he said isn't true; and even though Koushi has never really liked Tooru much, he can't help but feeling a bit bad for him.

The door opens in that moment and Tooru makes such a fearful, vulnerable expression that Koushi feels pushed to ask him if he'd like to hang out somewhere else. Tooru stares at him incredulously; but when his mother calls his name, he flutters his eyes shut and accepts. Anything is better than staying in that atmosphere filled with tension.

* * *

Tooru lets his arm fall on the table and puts his cheek on it.

"One more shot and I'll puke, goddammit," he complains, voice slurred.

Koushi laughs.

"You're such a lightweight, Oikawa-san!" he cries loudly to make himself heard through the music and other people's conversations. Tooru tries to fix his eyes on him, but everything is spinning and he's almost sure he's beginning to see double.

"I'm sick," he suddenly spats. Koushi blinks and looks at him with wide, glassy eyes.

"O-Okay, we should go to the restrooms then—"

Tooru sits up and regrets it immediately when the dizziness worsens, but he's pretty sure he won't vomit.

(At least not yet).

"No! I don't mean it like that..." he drags the words. He doesn't know why, but he feels the need to say it —it must be the booze. "I'm actually sick, y'know. Somethin' 'bout my blood, 's why they kicked me out of the team and why Tobio broke up with me..."

"Really? What do you have?" Koushi asks with worry. It's impressing how unaffected he sounds, almost like he didn't drink the same amount of alcohol Tooru drank. Maybe it means he should go out more.

Tooru stares at him seriously. He's not as drunk as to lose his pride completely.

So he lies.

"Anemia."

"Anemia?" Koushi parrots, frowning lightly. "But that's not grave, is it?"

Tooru narrows his eyes, trying to focus.

He shrugs.

"I fainted a couple of times and I got really tired during practice. It wasn't the same as before."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Koushi's apology sounds sincere. Everything about him sounds sincere and that's disconcerting, but it's preferable to his mother's insinuations.

It's refreshing.

"...But you're getting treatment for it, right?"

Tooru bites his lip.

He glances at the empty cups in front of him before answering.

"Yeah... Kinda."

Koushi grins and places his hand on Tooru's shoulder, giving him a friendly pat.

"Neat. Yo, cheer up! You'll get better and be back in the game soon, I'm sure of it!"

Tooru pretends to gag and no matter how much he tries, he can't help a smirk when Koushi looks at him with terror and steps back. "Mr. Refreshing, you're being terribly annoying."

For the second time that night, Koushi's jaw drops. He shakes his head as an incredulous smile finds its way in his face and laughter blooms from the bottom of his throat.

"C'mon. I'll take you back home before you pass out," he says, chuckling. Tooru pouts like a little kid.

"Nooooooo, not home."

Koushi giggles again.

"Well, how about my place?"

Tooru hides his face behind his hands. He feels dizzy and clammy.

"Hm."

Koushi chuckles once more, taking that as a positive answer. Maybe he's not as sober as Tooru thought he was.

"'Kay, my place it is."

Koushi stands from his chair, sways and loses his balance. It happens so fast that Tooru doesn't react until a few seconds later, when Koushi is already on the floor laughing and groaning at the same time.

He's definitely not sober. But his laughter is contagious, and the fall was so stupid that Tooru ends up laughing with him. It starts as a subtle sound, just akin to a cough that little by little increases its volume while a smile widens in his face until he bursts into loud, careless cackles. His sides hurt and a few tears fall down his cheeks when Koushi curses, something Tooru didn't think possible.

"You're sooo wasted," he tells him when he's able to calm down a little bit and helps him stand up. They both stagger, but at least they have the other one's help.

"Let's go."

* * *

After the big ordeal that was getting upstairs —at least it was fun— they reach Koushi's room. Tooru is so tired that he lets himself fall on the bed and feels the mattress bounce when Koushi does the same, but in the opposite direction —feet towards the headboard. Tooru closes his eyes and is about to fall asleep when he hears Koushi's voice.

"Oikawaaaa-saaaan."

Said young man grimaces and replies in the same complaining tone. "Whaaaaat."

"I don't like it when you call me Mr. Refreshing."

Tooru is way too tired to deal with that.

"Hmm..."

"Call me Suga."

"Kooouusssshhii," Tooru drags the name excessively, like a child making a tantrum. "'S your name, right? Koushiii."

Koushi stares at him, first with astonishment and then he chuckles, puzzling Tooru.

Is there anything that makes this guy mad?

"Then I can call you Tooru," Koushi answers, and even when said man doesn't like it very much, he's too sleepy to fight it.

"Whatever, Koushi-chan."

"Tooru!" Koushi exclaims between giggles. Tooru opens his eyes again, he's not even sure when he closed them in the first place.

"What?"

Koushi turns serious and glances away, shrugging his shoulders.

"Believe it or not, I know how you feel. I've had a broken heart too, and I've also been replaced for not being good enough."

The blond falls quiet after that. He's certainly awoken Tooru's curiosity, but he doesn't think it's adequate to insist. It's the first time in the whole night that Koushi has fallen this silent, and that can't be a good sign.

Toory sighs.

"Koushi, why did you ask me out today?"

Koushi shrugs again, stares at the ceiling with heavy eyes.

"I thought we both needed a friend," it's the last thing he says before falling asleep.

Tooru is next.

* * *

Tooru wakes up when the light becomes too unbearable for his sensitive eyes. His whole body aches, his head feels like it's going to explode. He spends a good while in bed, rubbing his eyes and feeling miserable until he remembers his mother and the fact that he didn't tell her he'd spend the night out.

_If leukemia doesn't kill me, this surely will_ ; he thinks with a queasy stomach. Koushi is still asleep, so Tooru stands up with one last groan and takes his stuff. Just when he's about to leave, Koushi's voice calls him from the bed.

"Tooru?"

Tooru starts and he doesn't know if it is because Koushi surprised him or because he can't believe he remebers that they're on a first name basis now. It's weird, but if Koushi does it, why wouldn't he?

"Koushi!" he claims, faking a smile. "I see you're awake. I, umm, was leaving. See ya!"

"Wait!" Koushi gets up and approaches him. "How are you feeling?"

"Not very well," Tooru answers. Although, to be fair, when has he felt well since the last few months?

"I knew it. Do you have a headache? I know a few remedies some friends have told me about, though I've never needed one..." Koushi smiles bashfully and shrugs. "Guess I'm one of those who never get hungover."

"Hm." It's then when Tooru's cellphone rings and he makes an annoyed expression, knowing who it is even without looking at the screen. "Ugh, I really need to go home. My mom is gonna kill me."

"You sure?" Koushi inquires with worry. "Want me to come with you?"

Tooru raises his eyebrows. 

Koushi's selfless kindness always takes him with his guard low and he'd rather avoid him, because nothing good can come of that.

"You don't want to be there," he says as an excuse. Koushi doesn't seem satisfied with that answer, but he stops insisting.

"Well then... See you later, Tooru. Call me if you wanna hang out again."

Tooru giggles to appear nice.

"I don't think I'd be able to take another night like this one."

Koushi smiles from ear to ear.

"Don't worry! Oh, sorry," he apologizes when Tooru grimaces due to the noise. "We can go take a walk, grab something to eat or just go for coffee... Whatever you like."

Tooru has never felt this grateful and irritated all at once. Playing along is the best option or Koushi will keep insisting. He'll then make up an excuse if Koushi calls him someday.

"Sure. It'd be nice."

Tooru says goodbye and leaves. The sun hurts his eyes, makes him feel worse and more nauseous. His condition doesn't get better when he arrives home and meets with his hysteric mother, who yells at him for leaving without letting her know. At least she softens when Tooru can't contain himself any longer and runs to the toilet in order to empty the contents of his stomach —bile, bile and more bile because it's been hours since he hasn't eaten anything—. Still, that makes everything worse; because if there's something Tooru is sick of, it's of people pitying him and that's why hanging out with Koushi is the best and worst thing that has happened to him that week. But at least Koushi doesn't treat him like he's a china doll about to break. And that's why he finds himself calling him that same afternoon even though he swore he wouldn't, but he needs a distraction and Koushi is perfect for that.

* * *

It's the day he promised he'd meet with Koushi, but he's been feeling ill since morning.

He thinks of cancelling the date, but that would mean staying home with his parents and Tobio-chan all day long, pestering him. Even Iwaizumi isn't as good company as he used to be —not when he stares at him with those eyes filled with worry.

Somehow, though; Tooru understands. It's when he looks at himself in the mirror to get ready that he becomes aware of how thinner and paler he is. He's got bruises everywhere, one of them particularly notorious and recent in his right arm: it must be from when he and Koushi helped each other walking.

His face isn't in much better shape: his cheekbones stand out way too much to be considered healthy, and the fact that his hair is still short doesn't help much to make him look less emaciated.

How can Koushi ignore all that?

He's dizzy. The screen of his phone lightens with a message from Koushi.

**Mr. Refreshing:** _I'm sorry! I'll be about 15 mins late :/ don't be mad, and wait for me please! :DDD_

Tooru feels a smile tugging at his lips. Yes, Koushi's definitely the kind of guy who uses _emojis_.

Oh, well. The coffee shop it's about five minutes away from his house, which means he has ten to lie down and put on a better face...

Tooru sets his phone alarm, lies down and falls asleep immediately.

* * *

When he wakes up, the first thing he does is checking up his phone. He finds a not-so-pleasant surprise when he realizes it's eleven A.M.

_B-but we were supposed to meet at five P.M., weren't we?_

He finally reacts and sits up so quickly he gets really dizzy. He finally wakes up and checks his phone again, and it's then when he sees the messages Koushi has sent him.

**Mr. Refreshing:**   _Tooru, r u coming?_

**Mr. Refreshing:**   _Did something happen?_

Tooru feels his heart skip a beat, but he feels even worse when he reads the last message Koushi sent the night before.

**Mr. Refreshing:** _You know, oikawa, if you didn't wanna hang out with me again you just had to say it, it wasn't an obligation or something like that. I hope nothing bad happened to you and i want to thank you for your trust anyway. Hope ur well, and if you wanna talk you already know my number :)_

Ouch. He doesn't know what hurts most, if it's the unusual serious vibe of the message or the fact that Koushi called him by his last name again, as if denying the progress they've had those last days.

Tooru sighs. He doesn't like to admit it, but he owes the guy an apology. After all, Koushi doesn't know about his actual condition.

**Oikawa Tooru:**   _I'm sorry, Koushi. It wasn't my intention to ditch u_

**Oikawa Tooru:**   _I felt bad before leaving, that's why i didn't go._

Koushi answers right away.

**Mr. Refreshing:**   _I'm sorry!_

**Mr. Refreshing:**   _I had no idea. R u feeling better now? What happened?_

**Mr. Refreshing:** _Can I come over to your house?_

**Mr. Refreshing:** _If that's not a bother, of course..._

**Oikawa Tooru:** _It's nothing important. I'm better already, thanks for worrying Mr. Refreshing! ;)_

**Oikawa Tooru:** _Another day, sorry._

**Mr. Refreshing:** _Oh, I understand. Get better :)_

Tooru can read the pain between the lines in Koushi's message. He's probably thinking that it's just another excuse, when it's actually because Tooru doesn't want him to see him when he looks like a living dead.

(And yet he'll keep getting worse. It can't be avoided now, and maybe it's selfish; but he doesn't want to leave things like that with Koushi. At least he doesn't make him feel like he's handicapped, nor he's like the other Karasuno rats or like the rivals from other teams who only lurk for his secrets. No, Koushi is different, and he makes him feel different).

Therefore, Tooru sends one last message.

**Oikawa Tooru:** _How about we hang out 2morrow? I owe u._

* * *

He's not even angry when he opens the door. He doesn't ask about his sick appearance, on the contrary: when he sees him right there at the threshold, his face lightens and he pulls him close, leaving Tooru breathless.

"Hi!" Koushi claims happily as he lets him go. "Come on in, how are you feeling?"

"Better now, thanks," Tooru replies when the impression leaves him.

Koushi grins as they move to the living room. "Ahh, y'know, I'm sorry if I was rude in my messages but I kinda felt like I was forcing you to hang out with me and I thought that was why you ditched me—"

"You live with someone else?" Tooru interrupts as he hears laughter coming from upstairs.

"Why, yes. Remember Sawamura Daichi?"

Tooru's stomach flips.

"Is he with someone else?"

"Kuroo Tetsurou, from Nekoma. They hang a lot lately, I even think they're..." Koushi halts when he realizes Tooru gets pale. "Tooru? Is everything okay?"

"Sorry, I can't do this," he says. The air leaves his lungs, he feels the room shrinking every second and he needs to get out, he needs to leave!

"Tooru!"

He stops a few meters away from the apartment, leaning forward and resting his hands on his knees. He gets back to reality when he feels a hand on his back and he knows that Koushi followed him.

"What the hell, Tooru?"

Tooru stands up and stares at him seriously.

"I don't want them to see me like this. I don't want anyone who knows me to see me like this so they mock me for this thing I've become."

"Tooru. They won't mock you—"

"How can you know that?!" Tooru is surprised of his own outburst, yet he can't do anything about it to hold himself back. "It's so humiliating, I'm nothing when I used to be the Great King..."

Koushi looks at him sympathetically.

"I'm sorry. Daichi and Kuroo are good guys, I promise you they won't mock you. But I won't make you go inside again if you don't want to. How about we go dancing? You need to clear your mind."

"Won't you be ashamed?"

Koushi frowns.

"What? Tooru, the very question offends me. You're just having a bad run. C'mon, let's go dancing, okay?"

Tooru knows he won't last long, but Koushi's smile gives him the motivation and confidence he's been lacking for months.

"'Kay. Let's go."

Koushi's smile widens. He asks him for a moment to gather his stuff and let his friend know where he's going. Tooru decides to wait outside for he doesn't want the other ones to see him. Koushi comes out after a few minutes later and they leave together. They arrive at a nearby club. As they wait to pass, they talk.

"I've had a question for a while. Why did you give me the nickname 'Mr. Refreshing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Tooru inquires sarcastically. Koushi shakes his head, appearing genuinely confused.

Tooru snorts.

"I don't know how you do this 'being-kind-to-everyone' thing. Are you even capable of getting angry?"

"Are you serious, Tooru? I'm just a person like everyone else. I can get angry, I can even have mean thoughts," Koushi's gaze is undecipherable, his smirk wicked and he shrugs. "Everyone does, but I think what makes the difference from one person to another is the way you act according to your thoughts. Being kind... being kind requires an extra effort. It's a matter of thinking your words through and moderating your actions to make other people feel better."

Tooru pouts.

"Why? It's not your obligation to do so."

Koushi shrugs once again. A smile tugs at his lips.

"I guess I like to make people smile."

Tooru blinks, speechless. He has no time to think of an answer because then they reach the beginning of the queue, show their ID's and enter the club. It's a strange world full of color lights and people dancing all crowded together between drinks and music. Tooru feels like a fish outside the water, but Koushi grabs his wrist and guides him as he dances to pass through the crowd. It's a funny sensation for someone who used to be as popular as him, but it's actually his first time at a place like that. His life used to be entirely devoted to volleyball; and after that it was devoted to the chemotherapies that sucked the life out of him...

They reach the bar. Koushi turns and asks something Tooru doesn't hear very well, so he shrugs. The blond smirks and rolls his eyes. He turns around again and tells something to the bartender who gives him two shots after a little moment. Koushi turns and gives Tooru one. The latter blinks, not knowing what to do, but he feels motivated to mirror Koushi's actions when he takes the shot to his lips and tosses his head back, finishing it in just one sip.

The alcohol burns Tooru's throat. And yet, he doesn't have much time to think about it when Koushi pulls him to the dance floor and starts doing his thing. Tooru imitates him, somewhat uninterested. He's not really that excited; but it's hard to be on a bad mood when he sees how much fun Koushi's having —and how much he's making an effort for Tooru to have a good time as well. Eventually Tooru lets himself go —maybe it's the booze or Koushi's inviting personality, maybe both— and they dance, dance and dance between giggles and stares and sporadic touches that, strangely, are pleasant enough.

Tooru begins to feel too tired to go on after a while. He stops and Koushi does too, asking him something he doesn't understand. It must be about how he's feeling, judging by his anxious demeanor. But no, Tooru doesn't want to ruin his night. He just needs to sit down for a minute.

He turns around and tries to pass through the crowd; but they push him roughly, worsening his giddiness when they make him sway from side to side. Tooru gets impatient, making room with hands and nails: he needs to get out, needs to take some fresh air. The crowd absorbs him, devours him, it makes him feel light-headed and consumed. Tooru is sweating, panting. He wants to scream. He feels a firm grab on his wrist and turns around, all pale and scared and meets with Koushi's amicable face, features shaken with worry. He yells something again —Tooru's name?—. Nevertheless, Tooru is so relieved to have found at least one person he knows in that awful moment that he just leans against Koushi's shoulder, closes his eyes and lets himself go.

* * *

He opens his eyes and he's in a place way too familiar for his liking.

It's like the hospital it's his second home by now.

Iwaizumi is in the room, using his cellphone uninterestedly. When Tooru moans, he looks up with eyes wide open.

"Iwa-chan," Tooru names when their eyes meet. "What happened last night?"

Iwaizumi exhales and pockets his phone.

"You went out dancing with that Karasuno guy, don't you remember?"

"Yeah. I meant after that."

"You fainted. Your mom told me that poor guy arrived at your home by three A.M., holding you in his arms and apologizing non-stop. I think he was so worried about you that he was scared sober. He didn't stop calling your cellphone all night."

Tooru feels a rush of fear in his stomach.

"Did they tell him about—?!"

"No," Iwaizumi cuts him off before he can finish. "Your parents were so worried that they kicked him out and brought you here. Your mom even told me to come, thinking the worst case scenario," he pauses and licks his lips with a remorseful expression that soon turns into anger. "Shittykawa, what were you even thinking?"

Tooru doesn't respond. When he realizes he won't speak, Iwaizumi shakes his head in disapproval.

"You need to tell that poor guy the truth."

"He knows I'm sick," Tooru retaliates. Bad answer: it just irritates Iwaizumi more, and it shows in his face.

"Is that so? Does he know you've got cancer? Does he know you left the treatment and that sooner or later you'll...?"

Tooru closes his eyes, exhausted. At least that way he doesn't have to see Iwaizumi's expression when he's unable to finish that sentence.

A thick silence fills the room and it's only interrupted by Tooru's phone. Koushi's number can be seen on the little screen. Iwaizumi knows who it is even if Tooru doesn't say it.

"You have to tell him," he insists. The phone won't stop ringing.

Tooru loses his patience.

"I don't want to! Iwa-chan, you wouldn't understand! Ever since this happened everyone treats me differently; I'm sick of people pitying me! I'm gonna die anyway, so what's the fucking point?!"

There are tears of anger at Tooru's eyes, but his friend's countenance holds not an ounce of mercy.

"Have you thought about that guy? About what he'll feel when the inevitable happens?"

The phone stops ringing, only to start once again after a couple of seconds. Tooru stares at the screen, not knowing what to do.

Iwaizumi hisses.

"You're so fucking selfish."

Tooru stares at him with a serious, threatening look on his face.

"I'm not gonna tell him, Iwa-chan," he whispers as he turns off the device. "And neither won't you."

* * *

The doctors discharge him a few hours later. Tooru gets home by noon and Tobio-chan greets him cheerfully by barking and jumping around.

"Ugh, get out of my way!" Tooru says disdainfully, kicking him away. The dog howls in pain and Tooru escapes to his room despite feeling his parents' worried eyes on him.

He slams the door shut. He's awfully tired even though he hasn't done anything in the whole day, but he doesn't want to lay down: he's done with wasting his life away in bed. It doesn't take him much to take his phone out of his pocket. He turns it on and practices his best smile to talk to Koushi.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Refreshing!" Tooru exclaims with fake enthusiasm. It's sounds so staged it's pathetic, but Koushi doesn't pay much attention to it and starts blabbering.

"Oh my God Tooru, how are you? I'm so, so sorry about last night, I didn't think—"

"Hey, hey, you don't have to apologize," he assures him. "It's not like you're my mother or anything."

(Speaking of the devil, Tooru's mom calls him in that exact same moment).

"Tooru, time for lunch!"

At the other side of the line, Koushi sighs.

"Yes, but still..." he sounds remorseful. Downstairs, Tooru's mother calls him again and he ignores her to focus on whatever Tooru is saying: "...Are you home? Can I come over?"

Tooru feels a pang on his stomach. He doesn't want to risk his parents reprimanding Koushi or even worst, telling him what he's been making an effort to hide.

"Uh... My mom will get mad if you do that," he says. "I'd rather come over to your house."

"Okay. I'll wait for you. Daichi and Kuroo are here, but we can go for a walk in the park. Bring Tobio-chan if you'd like."

"Yeah, yeah," Tooru answers in a rush. "See you in half an hour."

"Alright."

Tooru is the first to hang up. He pockets the phone and opens his closet to change his clothes. In that moment his mother opens the door to his room, ignoring his complaints.

"Tooru, are you—?" she stops midsentence when she sees him changing and her features harden. "Where you think you're going?"

Tooru gives her the cold shoulder as he continues changing.

"I'm going out with Koushi."

"No way! Just look at what happened because of that boy!" her mother bursts. "And here I thought he was a good influence..."

Tooru rolls his eyes as he finishes dressing and faces her.

"Mom, I'm going out, want it or not. You can make this easier and let me go, or make it harder and force me to stay home so I have to get away behind your back, but I'm going anyway," he assures her. The woman's lips wobble and her eyes become tearful, which takes Tooru with his guard low.

"Mom..."

"You don't spend time with us anymore, Tooru!" she says, hurt. "I just want to protect you and be with you as much as possible before it's too late, is that too much to ask?!"

She breaks down crying and Tooru feels guilty, terribly guilty. He approaches and embraces her.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I promise you I'll be back for dinner, okay?" he whispers softly. "But you have to let me go."

She sobs once more and Tooru bites his lip nervously.

"Koushi's a good guy. You have to understand that I want to spend time with my friends too," he tells her. "I love you, but you have to let me do my things too. You can't protect me all the time."

She sniffs and calms down, little by little.

"I know," she admits sadly. "I'm sorry, Tooru. Everything your father and I have done it's because we love you."

Tooru nods.

"I know, and I'm thankful for that. I promise you I'll be back and spend more time with you, okay?"

His mother doesn't want to let him go. She really doesn't want to, but... she knows her son is right.

"Fine. You can go."

Tooru can't help a smile. He kisses her cheek and thanks her. She leaves him alone so he finishes getting ready.

* * *

Tooru puts on his picture-perfect smile when Koushi opens the door. Maybe that will make his condition less evident.

"Hi!"

Koushi doesn't hesitate to hug him, and even when he should probably be used to it already; Tooru is dumbfounded anyway.

"I'm so sorry!" Koushi apologizes desperately.

Tooru hugs him back.

"Hey, I already told you not to blame yourself for what happened. Besides, I had fun. It had been a while since I did."

They break the hug. Koushi's eyes shine.

"Really?"

Tooru grins. It's a bit easier, a bit more sincere when he's with him.

"Yeah."

Koushi smiles back.

"I'm glad."

He closes the door and they leave to walk in a park nearby. When Koushi asks him why he didn't bring Tobio-chan, Tooru makes a displeased face and shrugs. He doesn't want to tell him that having a pet was his shrink's recommendation when he began the treatment; so they just stay in silence for a while until Koushi speaks again.

"Tooru."

"What?"

"When was the last time you played volley?"

Tooru stops walking. Koushi looks at him, curious and expectant.

"A long while ago," Tooru replies, picking up his pace again in order not to look affected. "Months. Maybe even a year."

"Wouldn't you like to play again?" When Tooru looks at him like he's crazy, Koushi goes on blabbering nervously: "I mean, not in a professional way, just like two old setters in a friendly competition, what do you think?"

"Uh..."

"You don't have to say yes if you don't want to. I won't be offended if you don't. I don't want you to think that I want to copy your technique or tell the Karasuno team your secrets, those aren't my intentions. We'll still be friends even if you refuse..."

"Koushi, Koushi!" Tooru stops him, feeling his anxiety. "I know you don't mean to copy my technique, okay? Even if you're from Karasuno, you're a decent person. I can tell because I see you."

Koushi gasps and blushes, eyes widening. He looks down to the ground, smiling tentatively.

"Thanks."

A warm feeling spreads through Tooru's chest. He mirrors Koushi's gestures and looks away as he adds seriously:

"You have my trust. Don't blow it."

Even if they're not looking at each other, Tooru knows Koushi is still smiling.

"I won't. I promise."

Tooru nods. He doesn't know if he will be able to take it, but he's volleyball crazy.

"So, when's the match?"

* * *

Time passes. Tooru and Koushi spend more and more time together. Tooru is somewhat anxious because Koushi has begun to notice that he's getting thinner, paler and wearier. However, either he's too naïve or trusts Tooru entirely, because the only thing he does about it is trying to get him to eat more when they are together and being there for him when he feels tired. He's even motivated him to take Tobio-chan on walks, to the point that the dog has grown fonder of Koushi than of his original owner. At least Koushi has college, which leaves Tooru some free days every once in a while so he can rest at home and put on his best face for when they meet again. It's surprisingly not that hard, though. Koushi's happiness is contagious and allows him to forget about his illness at least for a while.

The boundaries of their friendship are getting blurrier and blurrier with time and they both know it, but no one will say it out loud so they just allow the feeling between them to keep growing. The touches and stares come more frequently and they last longer and feel more natural every time.

Koushi is the first one to become aware about his feelings, when he realizes that every time is less painful when Daichi gets a visit from Kuroo at their apartment. He even finds himself smiling when he sees them sometimes —it reminds him of Tooru and himself. Too in love with each other yet too shy to confess it.

However, not everything is as good as it seems. There's something that worries Koushi —well, actually, it's a  _someone_. Maybe he shouldn't worry about that, since that person is already happy with someone else. But still, Koushi won't be in peace until he gets that someone's approval, and that's why he invites Kageyama Tobio for coffee one day before a friendly match with Tooru.

(It's become a frequent practice between the two of them now, and after a lot of insistence Koushi finally has consent to invite his college friends to play with them as long as there isn't anyone that knows Tooru).

Koushi arrives a little late for chattering with Daichi and Kuroo, so when he gets to the coffee shop Tobio is already there.

"Kageyama!" Koushi exclaims with genuine happiness as he hugs him. "Long time no see. How's Hinata?"

"He's fine, thanks."

"And what about volley?"

"It's fine too. How's college for you guys?"

"It's nice. Daichi's doing fine, too. He's been getting along with Kuroo lately. And Asahi and Noya text me often and send pictures together. I'm happy that everyone's doing fine."

Tobio nods. Koushi's company is pleasant, but he doesn't have much time —he has to practice more if we wants to get to the Olympics— plus, he's really curious.

"Hm. Excuse me if I'm too forward, Sugawara-san, but... What did you want to tell me about?"

Koushi's smile fades as he lets out a long sigh.

"I like Oikawa Tooru."

* * *

 

**Tooru O:**   _U coming?_

**Tooru O:**   _Some of your friends are already here_

Koushi reads his phone screen absent-mindedly, but the messages don't register in his mind. The only thing he can thinks of is what Tobio told him just a few moments ago:

_"Tooru? I have no problem about it, Sugawara-san, but... Are you ready to deal with the cancer?"_

Koushi can't breathe. He's mad. No, that's too soft —he's pissed off. He's pissed at Tooru for lying, but more than anything he's pissed at himself because it's been so blatantly obvious and the thought that maybe, just maybe Tooru is actually sicker than he says has crossed his mind a few times; but he's never paid much attention to it because Tooru wouldn't do that, right?

Well, apparently he's been wrong.

He's chosen to be blind all this time just to preserve the feeling Tooru gives him, just to lessen the pain that Daichi's ignorant rejection made him feel as he started going out with Kuroo.

And now, he has to pay the consequences of his naivety.

He finally arrives to the meeting point, a park nearby his college that has a volleyball field. Tooru is there, talking to his friends. They notice his presence and say hello. Tooru turns and grins from ear to ear.

Koushi feels sick.

"Koushi! You're finally here!" he says. He seems to notice there's something wrong, because his expression changes. "Did something happen?"

Koushi pants and wipes the sweat from his forehead.

"We need to talk."

"Now?"

"Yes."

"Well, tell me then."

"No, it can't be here."

Tooru understands.

His face turns paler, his expression helpless. But even if Koushi can notice it, Tooru is a master at acting. He turns around and shrugs his shoulders at the other guys who don't know what to do.

"Oh. But your friends are here already, don't you think it can wait?"

"Tooru!" Koushi yells aggressively. Everyone gives a start, except for Tooru.

"C'mon, let's play. You're all fired up, maybe it'll help you in the match," is what he says, looking at him from his shoulder with a mocking smirk. "Maybe this way you'll actually be able to beat me."

"Tooru!"

"Who's on my team?" he insists, ignoring him. There's a knot in his stomach, but he won't be humiliated in front of so many people. He hears Koushi snort with frustration, but they both know he can't do anything to stop him.

"Unbelievable," is what he says. Tooru feels nauseous, but he forces himself not to dwell on it as he starts to choose his team.

They play. If Tooru wants to be childish, Koushi won't stop him; but neither will he allow him to make a fool out him in front of his friends. There's something going on and everyone can see it, everyone can feel it. It's an intense, aggressive match and so by the half of the first set everyone is exhausted and sweaty, hands in pain. And yet, the blatant war between them can't calm the fire of treason Koushi feels deep inside him, so he sends the ball flying after a particularly tough, unlike-him spike.

"Suga," one of his teammates reproaches. Koushi feels a little bad for them because they're not to blame for his fury.

"Sorry. I'll go get it."

"No," he hears from the other side of the field. "I'll go. It's closer for me."

"Tooru," he says, concerned. Everyone looks tired, but Tooru looks like he's going to fall to pieces every minute now. His voice is hoarse and staged. His body is at its limit and Koushi knows it.

"Don't," he begs, a lump in his throat. "You can't do it anymore."

Tooru coughs in the palm of his hand and smirks, defiant.

"Are you kidding? I'm in excellent shape! Guys, next spike is mine!" he shouts with that fake enthusiasm Koushi has become an expert to notice. Tooru turns around and walks towards the ball. "Uff, I could play volleyball all day...!"

He says that, but his lie becomes clear before them in the moment his body sways. Black dots fill his vision as he hits the ground.

"TOORU!"

* * *

Tooru doesn't get why his parents keep getting him to the hospital every time something like this happen, when they clearly now there's nothing else to do.

And neither has he understood why every time he wakes up, he meets with the most inadequate guest. This time is Koushi. Tooru remembers the match and feels his stomach churn so intensely he thinks he'll throw up.

"Koushi."

Said man glares at him.

"How could you?"

Tooru feels the guilt invading him, consuming him; and the only thing he can say is:

"I'm sorry."

Koushi raises his eyebrows.

"Oh, you're sorry? Great. That fixes everything."

Tooru knows how to notice sarcasm, but it still takes him by surprise. He's never heard that hint of poison in Koushi's voice. He even thought Koushi was unable to answer like that.

"Are you okay?" he inquires. It's that question the one that causes Koushi to lose the little patience he has left.

"Are you for real?" he asks, first incredulous and then offended. "Are you really asking me that?! Of course I'm not okay! How would you feel if I had done what you did to me?!" he shouts, and Tooru really wishes not to exist for an instant. "Why did you do it, Tooru?! Why did you lie?"

"I didn't want you to pity me," Tooru responds. Koushi falls silent for a moment and then replies:

"Didn't it occur to you that maybe I wouldn't?"

Tooru gasps. He wants to think Koushi is lying, but there's nothing but sincerity in his gaze.

And pain.

Pain caused by him.

When he speaks again, Tooru's voice is weak and ashamed.

"I... well... No."

Koushi runs a hand through his hair, exasperated.

"I'm sorry, but that's the lamest excuse I've ever heard."

"That's because you it doesn't happen to you!" Tooru bursts. "Besides, I didn't want you to tell your friends from Karasuno, or anyone else—"

"Oh, so that's it! Oikawa, you could've just told me!"

"B-but—"

There's a hint of a smile in Koushi's face, but it holds not a trace of warmth. He shakes his head in disapproval.

"Even now you're more worried about what other people thinks of you than your own health..." he sighs; "but you know something? Not everyone's like you. I pity you, Tooru, and it's not because you're ill," he spits. His voice is like a million needles sinking into Tooru's heart. "But I pity myself more for believing in you even though I knew I shouldn't."

"Koushi..."

The blond stands up.

"I hope you feel better," he says seriously. "But I will no longer worry about you."

Koushi leaves and Tooru doesn't do anything to stop him even when he feels his heart breaking. He knows Koushi is right and he doesn't blame him for leaving him. After all, who wouldn't?

Tobio did too.

"Bye, Koushi," Tooru whispers as he curls up to hide his face.

* * *

Days pass slowly for both of them after that. Koushi spends the day locked in his room and only leaves to go to college. Daichi has noticed something is affecting him and has asked him about it, but Koushi lies every time and tells him it's nothing. At least it shouldn't be nothing. After all, how can he afford the right to have a broken heart, when Tooru and he were never together?

It's been ten days —it's not like Koushi's counting, not at all— since the last time they spoke. And it's that tenth day when his phone rings and for a moment he thinks about not answering because he's still hurting; but then he remembers Tooru's sickness is terminal and he picks up with his heart in his throat, thinking of every possibility.

"Uh," it's the only thing he can manage.

"Koushi, is Tobio-chan with you?" Tooru replies in a hurried voice. When he hears the alarm in his tone of voice, Koushi feels aware.

"No. Did something happen?"

"I can't find him, Koushi!" Tooru loses his cool. "I think he ran away again!"

Koushi frowns.

"So, what's the problem?"

"Huh?"

"You didn't even want him," he says, resentful. "Why are you so worried about him? He probably left with someone who treats him better."

"Koushi!" Tooru yells like a kid about to cry. Koushi opens his mouth to speak when he hears noise and suddenly it's Iwaizumi who's talking.

"Sugawara-kun, please help us look for Tobio-chan."

Koushi sighs.

"I'm sorry, Iwaizumi-kun, but I'm kinda busy."

"Look, I get you're mad at Oikawa," he says, knowing Koushi's lying. "He was a fucking jerk. But I won't talk about that. Oikawa needs you, Sugawara-kun. I haven't seen him so happy when he's with you since he played volleyball. Please."

Koushi feels choked.

"He doesn't even care about Tobio-chan."

"That's not true, and you know it," Iwaizumi sounds severe. He lets out air and then goes on, probably walking away to talk freely because there's less noise now. "Look, Oikawa is a difficult person. A lot of people just hang out with him to take advantage of whatever he has to offer, that's why he's so scared to let people in —he feels like they'll dump him when they've gotten what they want. But Tobio-chan didn't. No matter how cruel Shittykawa was, Tobio-chan was still there for him. He was there when not even you, or me, or his parents could stand him. So I'm asking you this as a favor —not for Oikawa, but for me—: please help us find him."

Koushi doesn't know what to say.

Honestly, he doesn't want to see Tooru. That would only tear him apart even more. Nonetheless, he can't bear the desperation he heard in his voice. That, and Iwaizumi's petition disarm him, because he knows Iwaizumi is right.

"Sugawara-kun?" Iwaizumi insists after a long silence. Koushi closes his eyes. He knows it'll make him hate himself later, but he can't refuse.

"Alright," he yields sadly. "See you at Tooru's in fifteen."

"Thanks."

Koushi nods even when he knows that Iwaizumi can't see it, and then hangs up.

* * *

Tooru's face lightens when he sees him, but Koushi tries to remain serious. Iwaizumi thanks him and they go out to look for the Labrador retriever. The sky is getting cloudier, but it doesn't stop them. Eventually, Koushi suggests it'd be better to look for him separately —partly because he can't stand that torture any longer, and partly to finish faster. Iwaizumi also thinks it's a good idea and they part different ways. Koushi has to look around a nearby park, but he finds nothing and soon it starts raining. It's only a drizzle, but the clouds are dark and thick and judging by the lightning, that won't end well. Koushi decides that the wisest thing is to look for the others and call it a day. The rain increases, hitting his skin and causing him cold. After a while of walking he spots Tooru's auburn mane a few blocks away and he yells his name, but Tooru doesn't hear and enters an alley. Koushi runs and pokes his head round, gasping as he watches the scene taking form in front of him.

Iwaizumi is at the end of the alleyway, holding the dog in his arms. His shirt and hands are drenched in blood as the poor dog struggles to breathe.

The alley is a mess, trash scattered everywhere. Howling and barking can be heard from afar, muffled by the rain.

Tooru falls to his knees.

"Tobio-chan! Oh my God, what happened to you?!"

"I found him fighting with a bunch of stray dogs," Iwaizumi explains. "I'm so sorry."

Tooru sits next to him and Iwaizumi places Tobio-chan in his arms with care. Koushi feels his throat tighten when he watches how Tooru's face shatters as he holds his pet sobbing, not caring about the storm.

"Oh God, forgive me. Forgive me, Tobio-chan. I'm so, so sorry."

"Guys..." Koushi begins, crying a little. But Iwaizumi and Tooru are so worried about the agonizing little dog that they don't even notice his presence.

Tooru won't stop crying. He can't stop, not when Tobio-chan makes his last efforts to lick his face tenderly. After all he's done to him, Tobio-chan still loves him.

Tobio-chan howls and gasps pitifully. Tooru doesn't let him go, not even after he gives his last breath.

He breaks down crying, hugging him to his chest. Next to him, Iwaizumi strokes Tooru's back.

Tooru sniffs, trying to regain his composure.

"...I'm gonna end up like this too, aren't I? Hurt and lonely, like a dog," he says bitterly. "With no one who cares."

Koushi's heart skips a beat. Is this how he's made him feel?

He's hurt, that much is true; but it doesn't mean he's stopped caring. He gives a few steps forward without thinking, but Iwaizumi's voice stops him.

"Hey, what about me? I do care."

Tooru looks up, meeting Iwaizumi's eyes. He throws himself in his arms without letting go of Tobio-chan, and they melt into a hug that makes Koushi feel like he isn't needed.

Tooru speaks, making him feel even worse.

"Iwa-chan. Thanks for always being there."

Iwaizumi nods. Koushi feels disheartened because he has failed as a friend while Iwaizumi has  _always_ been there for Tooru. And then Koushi thinks that maybe he deserves all the pain he's felt.

He backs a few steps, ready to go and let them have their moment. It's then when Iwaizumi opens his eyes and sees him there, standing in the rain like an idiot with a broken heart written on his face. Tooru lets go of Iwaizumi when he feels him tense. He's bewildered when he sees Koushi there. The latter gives the most painful smile Tooru has ever seen.

"Koushi—"

"I'm sorry," Koushi interrupts before Tooru can say more to make him feel even worse when he tries to make it better. He swallows and goes on. "For Tobio-chan. But at least you found him."

"Koushi..." Tooru repeats. His voice is softer, compassionate even. Koushi shakes his head and turns around.

"I have to go. I t-told Daichi and Kuroo I'd have dinner with them. See you."

"Koushi!" he hears Tooru call as he runs away, but he doesn't stop. Not even when he hears Iwaizumi shouting in a concerned voice:

"Oikawa, your nose! You're bleeding!"

No. Koushi doesn't stay to watch the blood hitting the ground; first just one, two, three huge drops that soon become a stream and stain Tooru's shirt with fresh blood, blood that isn't Tobio-chan's and that doesn't stop even if the rain washes his face. Koushi runs, runs and runs, wanting to forget. He gets home in a frenzy and meets Daichi and Kuroo at the threshold, sharing an umbrella and talking as the former opens the door.

They both look at Koushi. Daichi's eyes widen when he sees his friend state.

"¿Suga?"

Koushi tries his best for his voice not to crack, but he fails miserably

"H-hi."

"Goddammit, you're gonna catch a cold," Kuroo interferes. A mischievous smirk crosses his face by seeing him all agitated and drenched like that. "What were you doing? Fucking someone in the rain?"

"Kuroo!" Daichi reprimands him. He opens the door and approaches his friend to cover him with the umbrella, but Koushi is too upset and he doesn't want Daichi to see him break so he ignores the kind gesture and quickly walks into the apartment in front of the two men's shocked gazes.

It's in the living room where he can't stop shaking and a sob escapes his lips.

"Oh my God," Daichi says when he realizes how depressed he is. Koushi mentally scolds himself, wipes his face with his hands and tries to put on a nice face.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll be in my room," he says with a smile, but his eyes betray him. He walks upstairs in a hurry and slams the door to his room.

Daichi sighs and looks at Kuroo.

"Wait here. I'll talk to him."

* * *

"What the hell is going on with you lately?" Daichi inquires, entering his friend's room. "And don't you dare tell me it's nothing because I know it's not true."

Koushi is curled up in his bed, still shaking due to his soaked clothes. He turns to look at Daichi and deadpans:

"I'm fucked."

It's then when Daichi realizes there's something really wrong with Koushi.

(He's not the kind of person who swears).

He sits in the bed, next to him. Places his hand on Koushi's shoulder softly.

"Suga, what happened?"

Koushi takes a big breath before he begins. He doesn't want to break down.

"To— Oikawa has cancer. Terminal stage. He lied to me all this time, told me it was just anemia. And I—" his voice cracks and Koushi stops. Daichi observes him, first in shock and then with compassion.

"I'm really sorry," he says. "I understand that you're scared, and hurt, but now's not the time to think about yourself."

Koushi sits up in bed, outraged.

"Huh?!"

Daichi sighs and tries to soften his voice as much as possible.

"He's about to die, Suga. You should be with him."

Koushi stands up.

"Didn't you listen? He lied to me!" he snarls. It's not the lie that gets to him that much, but the fact that...

_He broke my heart. He knew it was fragile and shattered anyway_ ; he thinks bitterly. It's something that he can't admit out loud —at least not in front of Daichi, the cause of his old pain.

"Yes, Suga, I get that," Daichi answers without losing his calm. "But you can still heal, and he doesn't."

Koushi's eyes widen. He looks at Daichi like he's been just betrayed, but Daichi only shrugs and hints a smile.

"What are you waiting for? You have to tell him how you feel."

Koushi feels the heat climbing to his face. Daichi's expression remains unchanged, and, what's the point in trying to deny it? They've known each other for long. But Koushi is sad, and even when he knows that Daichi has a point, he's scared to suffer more. So he just exhales loudly and falls on the bed again.

"I don't know, Daichi. I don't know."

* * *

Days pass. Days that feel like an eternity. Koushi would be lying if he didn't admit he hasn't stop thinking about Tooru for one minute.

How is he?

How much time he still has?

He gets his answer after a week, when he gets a call from Iwaizumi.

"You need to come. Oikawa is really bad," he says, not allowing Koushi to speak. His voice breaks as he adds:

"He probably... probably won't make it through the night."

Koushi feels like someone has punched his stomach.

"I'm coming," he replies right away and finishes the call. He puts on the first jacket he finds —which turns out to be his Karasuno jacket, coincidentally— and leaves. In the kitchen are Daichi and Kuroo, talking and laughing. Koushi pokes his head round to let know Daichi he's going out.

"Tooru is really ill. I have to go."

Daichi nods, staring at him sympathetically.

"Suga... Think about what I told you."

"If I tell him, will you tell Kuroo your feelings too?" Koushi defies him as he goes out, so he misses his friend's blush and Kuroo's surprised expression.

"Huuuh?!"

"SUGA!"

Koushi smirks. He rides Daichi's bicycle —it's a bit faster than walking— and leaves, cellphone in hand. He pedals as fast as he can, feeling the nerves consuming him slowly. When he gets there, what is he supposed to say?

Even worse, how will Tooru be?

In his hand, his phone vibrates. Koushi looks down instinctively and sees a message from Tobio.

**Kageyama T:** _sugawara-san, did you hear about tooru?_

The distraction is only a second, but it's enough so Koushi doesn't see the car that collides against him at an intersection.

* * *

During the last hours of his life, Tooru is so weak he's lost consciousness.

So he dreams.

He's standing up, and even if he tries to move, he can't. He can see his parents and Iwaizumi from afar, looking at him with mercy. And then, more people appear.

Some are known, some not so much. They all make their way towards Tooru and he feels choked, but he's still frozen in place. People hit him, spit at him, mock him and rip his clothes and hair. Tooru screams and cries but they won't stop. They finally have the chance to get everything they want from him.

It's always been like this.

When they take everything away from him, they leave. Some even look at him with repulsion now that he has nothing to offer. Tooru cries and falls on his knees.

It's then when someone else appears. Calls his name.

Tooru recognizes the voice and opens his eyes slowly.

In front of him there's Koushi, smiling tenderly at him.

Tooru is paralyzed again. Koushi leans forward and caresses his face, wipes away the tears and blood. He covers him with his jacket and takes care of his wounds.

Of all people, Koushi is the only one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of him, yet prefered to help him.

And Tooru knows he's lost him.

* * *

Both funerals take place the same day, a sunny day.

Coincidentally, they are buried almost next to the other. The cemetery is a quiet place, a green meadow surrounded by little hills. Koushi and Tooru sit and rest at the top of one, watching the funerals from afar. Koushi smiles, bittersweet, when he sees Daichi and Kuroo holding hands.

"I'm glad Daichi told Kuroo about how he felt," he sighs. "At least someone is happy."

Next to him, Tooru is visibly uncomfortable

"Haven't you wondered why are we still here?"

Koushi shrugs.

"Maybe we left a few things unfinished."

Tooru nods. It's weird, but it's the first time in ages he feels so well.

"I never got to go to the Olympics," he comments. Koushi doesn't look at him, his eyes fixed on the burial of his corporeal remains.

"Right," he answers.

Tooru looks at the sky. He's sick of that distance between them, but he knows he deserves it. However, something feels odd.

"What did you leave unfinished?" he questions all of a sudden. He frowns. "Actually, what were you doing that day?"

Finally, Koushi looks at him.

"I was gonna confess to you," he says coldly.

Tooru freezes.

"I'm sorry," he answers, nervous and bashful once the words make sense in his head. Koushi shrugs his shoulders and looks away.

"It's fine."

"No, it isn't. I lied to you, and I never apologized properly about it," Tooru expresses, mad at himself. "I'm sorry, Koushi. From the heart."

Koushi gasps, eyes widening. Tooru looks so full of regret that Koushi can't help finding it sweet.

"Okay," he says.

Tooru stares at him, astonished.

"Okay? Does that mean you forgive me?"

A smirk appears on Koushi's face.

"I never said that. But since we're stuck in here together, you have all the time in the world to show me how much you want me to forgive you, don't you think?"

Tooru blinks in shock.

Does he mean it?

What is he supposed to say to that? He's never seen that mischievous gleam in Koushi's eyes.

Koushi laughs.

"Oh my God Tooru, I'm just kidding!" he exclaims. Finally the kind expression Tooru knows so well and adores so much appears on Koushi's face when he assures him:

"Of course I forgive you."

"Uh, just like that? Even after all I did to you?"

Koushi grimaces.

"No, it wasn't 'just like that'. It wasn't easy for me, but it wasn't easy for you either, right?" he raises one eyebrow. "I was selfish too. I was only thinking about my pain and not yours. I wanted to make up, but I guess I took too long." 

Tooru runs a hand through his hair. He sits closer to Koushi so their shoulders brush.

"Well... I don't think  it took you so long, since we're together now," he says, staring at him. With this new closeness their mouths are just a few centimeters away and Tooru can't help being tempted. "Can I?" he asks, eyeing Koushi's lips. Koushi mirrors the action and nods.

They lean closer, fluttering their eyes shut until the distance between them disappears. The touch is warm and soft. It's delicate, short; but full of love. Koushi feels full of an inexplicable joy, almost like he's in paradise...

"So this is what I left unfinished," Tooru whispers, breaking the kiss. Koushi opens his eyes and sees a blinding light consuming their bodies.

He understands.

Koushi nods and smiles for the last time, touching Tooru's forehead with his own as they hold hands.

"Let's go together, Tooru."

* * *

_"...'Cause when you never see the light,_

_It's hard to know which one of us is caving."_

* * *

**End.**


End file.
